Posted by crushedout on July 7, 2005, at 19:47:57
since i told her about thinking it was not working. not surprisingly, it's really working now. but it's overwhelming.
today i told her where i went for a vacation with my family over the holiday and she told me that's where she's going in a couple weeks for *her* vacation. it brought up a lot of feelings for me. i've hyperconsciously avoided knowing anything about her life -- and she asked me afterwards if she shouldn't have told me that. but i think it was good that she did because it gave us an opportunity to talk about what was scary/exciting about knowing stuff about her. i started crying several times -- i was overwhelmed with emotion. and it led us to talk about what i yearned for: basically, a "mommy" which for me represents a lot of mixed up stuff. and we talked about some of those things.
i guess what's good and different about this than it was with my last t is that we're moving slowly and talking about stuff as it happens -- how it feels, what's at stake, etc. i'm not just letting myself fall into something which then gets out of my control.
although i did feel that heavy depression of attachment i used to feel with my old t, when i was coming home from work today. it's very scary. i miss her (the new t) and i don't usually think about her. knowing stuff about her and sharing that intimate stuff really makes me feel close to her, and when i feel close like that, i want more from her. i want to be closer. it's addictive. i guess i need to tell her all this next time i see her. i hope it will help and not just make things worse.
thanks for listening.
poster:crushedout
thread:524729
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/524729.html