Posted by rabble_rouser on July 12, 2005, at 6:01:24
In reply to Re: Post to ShortE re borderline personality disorder » rabble_rouser, posted by Shortelise on July 11, 2005, at 16:26:42
Hi Guys,
thank you for your thoughts - made me feel a lot better. It is good to hear, Pinkeye, that you have such a good understanding friend. I tend to hide the darker side of myself from people, until it leaks out of its own accord.
The idea of feeling that people doing things 'to' me certainly rings true. I don't know if this is a male thing, but I often find myself defending my pride over small things, like how some bit of machinery works or some political fact, but yet I feel like its some battle for status that must be won. I have been trying to use meditation to help me to see how things really are, and some of my CBT / REBT exercises to put this internal 'status struggle' in its place.
Often if a friend or colleague makes a mocking comment to me, even if it is only intended as fun, inside I really burn up like it was intended to hurt me or bring me down a peg. I can sometimes rationalise it, but in that moment the anger peaks and I feel this urge to defend, to have some witty 'come back', which is never easy when you're already wound up. I know this all sounds really petty, but its something that regularly burns me up and has been a source of great depression for me, especially as I can understand that its difficult to have sympathy for someone that seems arrogant or can't take a joke. Ive tried talking to my mother but she says its 'just male pride', and I wonder if other men experience the same feelings, but have better coping mechanisms, eg humour or blocking the anger. I never really tackled this with my therapist.
Can I ask, do women expect men to be naturally emotionally strong? Do they ever feel disdain for a man that exhibits weakness, like lack of emotional control, blowing up etc? What gives the appearance of 'being a man'? Humour? Body language? Even-handedness? I have a very dry sense of humour which can come off rude - this gets me into trouble quite often too `:(
Despite often having less than high views of myself, I am often told by some that I am overconfident or even arrogant. Then the approval addiction kicks in and I feel hurt. I think I go out trying to get status and respect, put people's noses out of joint and then feel hurt when they act negatively. So I go out to try to get more! What a dumb circle to get stuck in ... :(
Again, any thoughts appreciated.
poster:rabble_rouser
thread:525886
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/526606.html