Posted by ghost on July 15, 2005, at 17:40:34
In reply to read this first please., posted by B2chica on July 15, 2005, at 11:49:46
b2c,
don't be ashamed. part of me always thinks that being ashamed is like letting "them" win (whoever hurt you). i'll get angry, i'll kick and swear, but somehow when i feel ashamed i feel like i let them get the better of me. shame on THEM, NOT shame on YOU.
i had a problem with xanax for awhile. they were like m&ms when i was anxious or upset, or the voices in my head were too loud. then once they told me to take one for each of my problems and everything would be all right. i took 16 one-milligram pills. obviously it didn't make my problems go away, but i slept for so long that when i woke up i had trouble remembering what had happened. (and what day it was.) i think it's something you can kick yourself if you try, if it hasn't gotten out of control. now i limit myself to one-half a pill during the day and no more than two at night (but i take one at first). mostly i do it because it helps me to have some order in my life (regimented, i guess? one-half for this, one for that, i don't know), but also because i don't want to go to an addiction program because i'm a pill popper. i guess i just associate it with negative things. (dumber than crack, or something lame like that?)
as for your mom, i tend to agree with everyone else... it's quite possible that she did it for non-"bad" reasons (lack of a better, nicer word), although i have to admit that her behaviour seems.. odd. perhaps there will be more pictures to help you piece the puzzle together in the future, but don't harp too much on it. if you don't have the answers yet there's no point in trying to wear yourself out thinking about it. at least, that's my two cents.
lots of love,
ghost
poster:ghost
thread:527984
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/528217.html