Posted by Daisym on August 9, 2005, at 15:23:08
In reply to Reinstating Innocence, posted by orchid on August 9, 2005, at 13:53:32
***that none of these really matters that much..***
I've spent my whole life saying this. "It doesn't matter...it is in the past." "It doesn't matter...he didn't mean it, he was angry." "It doesn't matter...I made the best of it." I think, for me, "it doesn't matter" means "let it go. I'm past it, it doesn't deserve your time or attention." My therapist says "it doesn't matter" translates into "I don't matter."
For most of my life I have thought that I turned out OK "despite" what happened to me when I was a child. I transcended it. Boy, was I wrong. It has controlled me and influenced me in ways I've never acknowledged or even was aware of. To say, "none of these matters much" is going back to that place of denial and isolation.
What happened to us, all of us, abuse or not, DOES matter. Being loved and cared for is a great gift and this matters more than anything. I think some of us must learn how to trust within the context of a safe theraputic relationship. It might be two dimensional but I believe it is the real truth. Sometimes much more real than what we allow ourselves to know outside of the consulting room. For me, psychology has been a way to learn about life. My own inner life. The idea that I have needs (gasp!) and that those needs are acceptable and not bad (gasp, gasp!)AND that someone else might be necessary to get those needs met (oxygen please!) --- these are things I've just started to learn.
And all that said, I agree with you that it is not the final answer. It is the beginning question.
Thank you for making me think.
poster:Daisym
thread:539646
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050801/msgs/539702.html