Posted by Shortelise on August 11, 2005, at 16:32:10
Is it me or is it him?
A little of both, it seems.
He was wonderful today. I am so sick with a cold and bronchitis, and my bowels seem to have decided to join in the sickness too, that I was as defenseless as I couldbe.
Here's what I think happened a couple of months ago. I think he was a little chiller than he intended. Must have been a bad day.
He pointed out to me today that it's deeply imprinted on me that those I trust will turn around and hurt me. True.
So as soon as he started changing, I was sure he was going to start hating me, rejecting me. And everything he did after that I interpreted according to that fear.
His intent is good. I agree with him. It's not easy. He thinks I need to figure things out for myself, but that doesn't mean he won't help. It doesn't mean that he hates me. It doesn't mean that he will reject me. He says he won't do any of those things.So when I feel he's turning on me, I need to think of other interpretations of it.
Like I need to interprete my dreams (yeah, I took the last one I wrote here with me, complete with interpretation!). I need to think outside of my old box.I feel sad sad, but I feel better. Why is it that knowing he cares about me, even though he is caring in a different way, makes me so sad? I want to howl. But I feel better. Contradictions...
Thanks all.
ShortE
poster:Shortelise
thread:540364
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050801/msgs/540364.html