Posted by muffled on September 12, 2005, at 10:06:59
In reply to Re: Cutting*trigger*, posted by B2chica on September 12, 2005, at 9:15:43
> if i die i ruin my husbands life if i don't die i ruin mine. i feel so trapped here.
*Sometimes it seems like there is no way out, The pit is too deep, too dark, the sides are smooth, you are too tired of the fight. But you can get out. I did. I'm not quite sure how I got out but I did. The world can be so beautiful. I'm SOOOOO glad that I didn't do it. The hospital isn't great, but if its what you need for a bit, well its what you need. This will pass. It will pass, there will be peace again.
> i want to cut because it does normally ease S. ideation in me but this time i'm afraid i'll start and not stop.
*Exercise helps me. Physically "running, running, running"(actually I walk and bike)But it sometimes helps me get away from pain awhile.
> i think my meds are pooping out or something. sometimes i swear i bring it all on myself. that i make everything worse than it is, then i feel but a fool.
Beleive me you are no fool. It is real what you feel. But it can be fixed, you are not irreparibly damaged. Just go to keep going one way or another. It CAN be done. You CAN survive this. It will be good again. Even better. Things look even better once your out of the pit cuz you appreciate them more. You have a curable sickness. Its just sometimes seems to take a long time.
> i am a fool. ignorant and insane.
*Would you have said that to me a few years ago? Am I ignorant and insane? :(
>
> i want to act on my wishes. sometimes i confuse the act with the results, sometimes i want the one and sometimes i want the other...anyone understand?*Your tired and confused. Not surprizing. Keep working with your T. If you need your P doc to adjust your meds, then you'll have to call him. Its important. You are important.
> thank you all So much giving half a d@mn, i'm going to crawl back into my hole for a while. don't see pdoc for another month and half. i hate being a pest so i'll see if i can make it that long.*I think the people on this board give far more than half a damn. Many us have been there where you are. I may need you when I get all screwed up again over something. You are here on this earth for a reason. It will hurt so many if you go. Please post now and again so we know how you are.
> i see T today, i'll tell him. but i'm SOOOO tired of going to the hospital seems like everyother month! it's GOT TO STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> b2c.IT WILL STOP!!!!!!! But not by ending it all, but with perseverance and time and help. Its so hard I know, so very, very, very, very, very, very HARD.But so very, very ,very, very, very, very,very WORTH the fight. HANG ON. Please. I care.Muffled.
>
poster:muffled
thread:553299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050912/msgs/554166.html