Posted by alexandra_k on October 3, 2005, at 3:38:20
In reply to Curious/anyone really have DBT succes, posted by terrics on September 28, 2005, at 11:46:44
Hey there. I have been searching through the archives (on a couple of occasions) for a reply that I thought I wrote to one of your posts on the 'ice queen' though I can't seem to find it and I'm starting to wonder whether I am imagining things...
I did DBT for 1 year.
At the time...
I HATED group therapy. Really. Really Really REALLY. But in hindsight... I learned a lot of useful coping strategies. I was something of a non-participator in group. But they eventually got used to that about me and I was fairly fortunate that a couple of the other members were fairly hard to shut up so there wasn't too much pressure on me. And when there was pressure on me... Well... I dug my heels in, basically. I did not want to share personal stuff in group. They just had to respect that. But that being said I really tried to take what I could from it in terms of skills. And I did learn a lot from the other people there. I learned a lot from their successes and their follies. But I did hate having to go at the time...>As I have said my T. is the ice queen. I wonder if this is a part of the DBT therapy.
About here I have to say I agree with EE. Being an ice queen is not at all a pre-requisite for being a DBT therapist. But having good boundaries is. And maintaining good boundaries can be a very hard thing to do indeed.
And so what I was saying to you in that other imaginary post... Was about what you said about (and you will have to excuse my memory here)... about getting the urge to provoke a response from her... And sort of poking at her and evoking a negative response because that is better than nothing. Because what that does... Is it HURTS her a little. And I do understand that you don't really mean to hurt her it is just that it can be so damned hard to pour your guts to someone who seems to lack emotional responses altogether and so damned reassuring to get SOMETHING, ANYTHING in response - though of course what you really want is a POSITIVE response.
But the poking...
Has the effect of hurting...
Which is likely to have the effect of her rigidifying her boundaries
Her removing herself from you even more
In self protection.Make sense?
Personally...
I think it could be really very worthwhile to try and explain that to her. About how you perceive her as cold and distant and unaffected. And about how hard that is for you. And that you respond to that by poking...
Because there is stuff there that could be really helpful...
She might not realise
She might be flattered that you want a positive response from her
Therapy is hard...
DBT can be hard...
But I have to say...
That it is about a million times better than traditional CBT (in my humble opinion)
And so it is well worth hanging in there.And I really think this is worth sorting out.
In fact...
I reckon it counts as therapy interfearing behaviour
(From both you and your t)
And so that warrants second place on the agenda
So you really should bring that up
poster:alexandra_k
thread:560631
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051001/msgs/562223.html