Posted by allisonross on October 26, 2005, at 14:15:05
In reply to csa trigger? » antigua, posted by Shortelise on October 26, 2005, at 11:32:31
> Hi, Antigua, and big hugs to you. i am new here.....you are a wonderful writer and I should know; I have written my memoir [Ghost Child to Triumph--from a child with no voice, to someone who speaks up against injustice); have a publisher interested....well, enuff about me, LOL (for the whole sordid story: www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com (voted out of a 31-year church membership, after getting a divorce after 31 years of verbal/some physical....abuse...www.psychiatricjournal.com...entitled: The Transcendent Child on overcoming Verbal and Spiritual Abuse; I am (gulp) 59, but I feel 18 and act like it!! Antigua, I can't possibly write the conversation I'd love to have with you about this. I would love to sit with you, and get to know YOU, you sound wonderfully intuitive, etc....This forum stuff is great, but sometimes I wish I could sit down with some writers here and have a long afternoon's discussion. Where do you live; we'll get together! Born in Heaven (Maine), now living in exile in Michigan.
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> I am hesitating, have come back to the top here to write a bit of a warning, but I have written what I have because ... I think it might help.
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> You probably know this, but I'll say it anyway: we go to these T's, vomit out everything, and hope they can help us connect the dots. Sometimes they are wrong, sometimes they are right. A good T is right more often than she is wrong. A very good T helps those of us who are able get to a place where we can see the truths clearly for ourselves. My t taught me the most valuable words I had ever heard in my life (after a childhood of emotional, physical abuse /1 incident of molestation), and 31 years of abusive marriage, followed by 18 months of abuse from my church; he showed up like an angel at the exact moment I needed him (expert on spiritual abuse): RESTORATIVE JUSTICE: This is what you did...this is how it made me feel; so incredibly empowering to someone like me.
> I need things pointed out to me for the most part. I have a very good T. I think I have the best on the planet (and he AGREES, LOL); incredible person; taught me another word I love: "Authentic" He is.....
> My point is this: try it on for size.
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> A hug is innocent love. It's safe. I hug you because I care about you, I hug you because I want to show you in a safe, physical way that I care about you. A hug from me is a warm, caring, physical show of affection and it's a soft, warm, safe and accepting place to be. yes, yes, couldn't have been said more beautifully; my thoughts exactly, and after a year of hugs, my t stopped; and I have been sad ever since; I think it is cruel; having the conversation with him soon (have an article that parallels my experience)
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> To want that from a father figure after your father abused you, well, could be a restoration of innocence or a reassurance that such innocent things can exist for you. I never knew my father, and never thought much about it, then I did for the 1st time and wrote a poem, called the Fatherless Child; it is on my churchabuse website;
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> That you would allow yourself to be hugged by a father figure and NOT be abused, could that reaffirm that your vulnerability was not the cause of the abuse, but was the choice of your abuser? That sort of proves your innocence, which might still need proving in your mind. That's a shot in the dark, and is so very personal that I half want to delete it, but it might be helpful to think about.
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> There are several men in my life (I am a 50 year old married woman) who would be happy to give me a long, safe, affectionate hug. And I wouldn't hesitate to ask. What you want is not some mad desire, some unrealistic thing: it's a nice hug from somone who cares about you. You want to see how it feels. I think you deserve to. I read somewhere that...just for BASIC menta health, we all need about 16 hutg a day. most of us get none or 1 (I get none, and I am the touchiest, feeliest person, huggiest....I know!)...What a delight you are...what a pleasure to meet you here.....Smiles n grins, n hugs, Allison
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> ((antigua))
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poster:allisonross
thread:572044
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/572119.html