Posted by daisym on November 13, 2005, at 17:51:59
In reply to Re: Annierose » fallsfall, posted by Annierose on November 13, 2005, at 15:34:33
What does it mean, "to matter?" I know I matter -- the things I do are important and the responsibilities I have are heavy. But do you want to matter for who you are -- the essence of you -- not for the roles and tasks you perform? This is the crux of my pain. And I know it is ancient.
The grief is wrapped around not mattering (enough?) to those who mattered most to me. And never ever being able to do enough, be good enough, be bad enough, whatever -- the make myself matter in this way.
As my children age, I matter to them less, not loved lessed, but they need me less. I think this stirs up those old feelings of someone needing me in order for me to matter to them.
I want to matter even in this state of totally chaos and mess I currently am. The question is, "to whom do I really still want to matter to?" And how do I stop wanting that.
Just some things to think about. And never forget, you matter to me. (((Annie)))
poster:daisym
thread:578187
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/578281.html