Posted by fallsfall on November 29, 2005, at 16:37:21
In reply to Re: D*mn » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on November 29, 2005, at 14:06:45
One thing that I've learned from my therapist is this: When he reacts to something I determine what I think that he is thinking. But when I verify that with him, I often (not always, but often) find that what I think he is thinking isn't what he's thinking at all. I never knew this before because I always assumed that I was right, so I never checked with the other person to be SURE I was right. But I did with him - and guess what? I wasn't right. He didn't feel the way I thought he did.
So you may think that she finds you unacceptable. But maybe she doesn't. You won't know unless you ask her about it.
I know that shame feeling. And it truly is awful. Maybe the worst. But that shame is coming from you - from within you. If you run away from her, you will still carry the shame with you - hoping that you won't bump into it again. But if you TALK about it with her, then she can help you to understand the shame and decide whether it is reasonable or not.
Maybe she doesn't understand you. Maybe you don't understand her. Maybe you both don't understand each other. That's OK. This is when it is time to work towards understanding. You call it fighting to relationship. It can be excruciating, but it also can make all the difference in the world.
You need to face this, Dinah. You CAN face this. We will help.
poster:fallsfall
thread:583331
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/583403.html