Posted by LegWarmers on December 11, 2005, at 20:21:36
In reply to Re: Forgive and Forget » LegWarmers, posted by Tamar on December 11, 2005, at 18:25:07
> > How do people make peace without forgiving?
>
> For me it’s sometimes about deciding that the person who hurt me no longer has power to hurt me. I have to acknowledge that they hurt me in the past and that I still feel the pain, but at the same time recognise that there is no new pain from that person.
>
> It’s not quite the same thing as forgiveness; it’s more about letting it go. I don’t wish any harm to people who have hurt me, but I can’t say I wish them much happiness either! I simply feel as if they no longer matter much.
>ah
> Forgiveness, on the other hand means (to me) a willingness to continue the relationship with that person, or a reconciliation of some kind. I'm not sure it's really possible unless the other person understands the pain they've caused and made some kind of indication that they're sorry. It seems to me that forgiveness is something we can offer to other people as a means of reconciling rather than something we need to do for ourselves.
>Important distinction between the two. I hadn't thought of it that way.
>
> > I see what you are saying. Understanding it at an emotional level is hard for me. It's much easier to be matter of fact about things. You made a lot of sense to me though.
>
> Hmm… Understanding anything at an emotional level takes quite a lot of practice, I think. I find it *much* easier to understand things at a rational level!:) me too
Thank you for your thoughts, they were very helpful- LW
poster:LegWarmers
thread:588155
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588217.html