Posted by Susan47 on January 9, 2006, at 22:48:42
In reply to Re: please be civil --- If I go to jail....., posted by one woman cine on January 9, 2006, at 6:30:34
I didn't post "If I go to jail" .. in reference to anything I'm going to do. It was more a situation of this therapist thinking he's going to put the screws to me for making phone calls to his answering machine.
I don't know what the law would do with calls like mine. Does the content matter, or is it quantity?
Because if it's quantity, he might have a case. I mean, he's written to me asking me not to call. Not understanding that I couldn't stop myself even though I really did want to, on one level, definitely I wanted to stop. On another, I had to keep going or I felt I would die, disappear, if all contact with him was cut off.
That is why I believe psychological issues are so difficult ... it's like, do you plead insanity when you know you've been insane? How does a compassionate therapist deal with things like this, how does a ruthless one do it, do they look the same? At what point does the therapist him/herself lose touch with reality, with what's really going on, and enter a mode of thinking which turns out to be destructive and malicious?
This therapist frightens me, it's that simple.
And some days are better than others, but mostly now, they're better, because I feel relieved to have gotten my feelings out into the open. Even if it is with a bunch of people I don't know, who may or may not understand. I don't have to feel ashamed. I just wanted to survive and be loved. I don't know how understandable that is to every therapist who feels his patient tried to seduce him .. because I think that's what this therapist saw me as. Which is so effing Hurtful. Just hurtful, really. It makes the stuff I really did feel for him so.. I don't know. Subversive. And it wasn't.. it was real. The good feelings were all real and only became seductive when I saw he was receptive... it's terrible because when they kicked in I also became extremely paranoid of him, and his capacity to hurt me increased tenfold.
I wish therapists knew how important it is to take care of themselves, and to know themselves and to not be afraid of what's in their own heads... a bit like I'm afraid of what's in mine sometimes, when I think he might tear me apart like a shark.
poster:Susan47
thread:592087
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/597382.html