Posted by antigua on January 31, 2006, at 7:48:40
It was a long, emotionally draining weekend, but it all went as well as could be expected.
I was going to tell her on Sunday, but I couldn't wait so when we went out for coffee on Saturday, I told her I had something I wanted to tell her. Her face immediately seized up w/fear, and I told her it was o.k., I wasn't sick or anything (she HATES bad news).
I started by telling her that I always had bad drinking episodes around her visits (she has been sober for 15 years or so and has really pushed me toward sobriety) and I really wanted to stop that, and that it had taken me a long time to understand (through therapy) why I did this.
So, I told her I felt there had always been a block between us, since I was kid, and that I was afraid that I couldn't talk/tell her about this, because she wouldn't love me or abandon me if I told her.
And then I told her. Very simply, no details, that my father had sexually abused me when I was little. She held my hand and looked at me with as much love as she could. She told me how sorry she was that this had happened.
We didn't talk much the first day, but over the next several days, she brought it up a few times. (I told her she could say anything she wanted, it was no longer a taboo subject.)
The second day she told me she would have killed him if she had known, and that most surely she would have called the police. She said I could blame her, she would understand, but I don't. She also apologized for sending me back to live w/him when I was a teenager, and that was a big surprise and very welcome apology.
So, it's out there. She was very supportive and I felt the love I needed. I guess there isn't a block there anymore, but it will take a while for it to truly dissolve.
I couldn't have had a better response. And I've been fine since I've been back--no drinking, no acting out, etc.
It's a major milestone and I'm not sure where I go from here, but I know I just have to sit w/this for a while, the shock, and to absorb it slowly.
Thank you all so much for your support. I read all of your messages before I told her and I felt had this huge band of support behind me.
You are the greatest.
love,
antigua
poster:antigua
thread:604776
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060131/msgs/604776.html