Posted by Susan47 on February 1, 2006, at 10:15:43
In reply to Re: my new coping (?) mechanism » fallsfall, posted by crushedout on January 28, 2006, at 18:16:25
> it just occurred to me that i did this to myself on purpose (semisubconsciously, of course), to force closure maybe? to forge a connection with my new T? I'm trying to force a transference of my feelings from old T to new. I don't know if it's going to work. This is wild speculation to some extent, but I have a solid hunch.
>
> 'Course the webpage wasn't there a month ago so it also partly has nothing to do with anything I can actually control. But the fact that I went looking for it is obviously not just a coincidence.
>
> isn't it crazy that i would (even subconsciously) force a crisis upon myself when all is going well? i think i do it all the time. i obviously have to take a look at why i might be doing this.
>
> I'm writing this all down more for myself, so I can record it somewhere where I can go back and see it. Because I'm afraid I'll forget what all this means, and learn from it (for the next time? :-( i don't want to ever go through anything like this again.)
Actually, you are writing it down. As long as Babble exists, anyway. How long has it been around? I never checked. I always thought I'd want to go back and pull stuff off from here and keep it together, but now that doesn't seem so important, and I couldn't read it anyway, anything I wrote, because it feels like it could push me back to being close to where I was before. Never again.. like you .. and I don't think we ever have to do this again, either, crushedout, once we've done it. I know how much it hurts, though.
poster:Susan47
thread:603729
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060131/msgs/605128.html