Posted by Pfinstegg on February 26, 2006, at 2:09:48
In reply to What is an attachment disorder?, posted by kerria on February 25, 2006, at 23:38:50
Everyone develops an attachment "style" during the first years of life- first to its primary care-giver (usually the mother), then to fathers and important others. It's the first one you develop that defines how you relate to people. There are supposed to be four styles: securely attached is the ideal one, naturally. Then there is an insecure one, where a child feels attached but not completely secure, an avoidant one, where the child tends to avoid the mother, while still feeling longing and attachment at times, and finally, there is a fourth category- insecure-avoidant, in which the child no longer seeks comfort or attachment because of repeated disappointments. The mother's behaviour determines which style the child will develop. A child is at a huge risk of developing one of the three impaired attachment styles if they have a depressed or mentally ill mother, or one who becomes physically ill and must be hospitalized. Then there are all the nuances of mother- infant interaction- the mother just not being 'tuned in", not feeling joy with her child, etc.- all of these can lead to one of the impaired attachment styles.
Most therapists these days pay a lot of attention to attachment style. Some people come into therapy able to develop a secure attachment right away, but many others work for years towards an "earned secure attachment". This is so healing, in and of itself, and is a major goal in most therapies. It's also very interesting that attachment style varies, depending on whom you are with- it's not always the same, Posters have often said here that they have felt much more attached to one therapist than to another. And people who have "parts" often find in therapy that some parts feel secure, while others do not. In any event, where-ever you start from, it is possible to move towards a secure attachment- that's very healing, and often it's the first time someone is able to do it when they have been severely neglected or abused in childhood.
Is this a painful issue which has come up for you?
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:613363
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060225/msgs/613375.html