Posted by NanaS on March 3, 2006, at 11:46:08
In reply to Re: Narcissistic Mother of my Grandchildren, posted by Dinah on March 3, 2006, at 10:39:32
> It sounds as if she likes money. I don't know that that qualifies her as a Narcissist. That's why diagnosis is left to professionals. How would it be helpful for you to think of her that way? Would it help your relationship with your grandchildren?
>
> If she does something abusive or neglectful to the children, then you have grounds to ask for a change in the custody arrangement. If there are no grounds for a change in the custody arrangement, then she is the *key* to seeing your grandchildren regularly. I'd advise that you set what boundaries toward her that you think are necessary for your well being, and then be as pleasant to her as you can be. Whether or not she's a nice person, or whether or not she's a narcissist. Because you love your grandchildren and conflict that can't lead to any resolution isn't in their best interests.
>
> If your daughter isn't a physician, I don't see how she could be deciding what to prescribe to her children. Even if she works at a clinic, the physicians there have a duty to provide adequate care to their clients.
>
> I don't know if it makes any difference, but there is someone in my family who *appears* to like money very much. I deal with that person exactly as I described above.
>
> Just my two cents, for whatever it's worth.Thanks Dinah,
Yes, she is neglectful toward the children. Oldest had a minor jellyfish sting, she wouldn't stop at store so I could get unseasoned meat tenderizer for it. She told him "you were told to leave it alone"
The doctors at the clinic are inept; she tells them what she wants to try for herself (anti-depressants, presc sleep aids, etc) and I have heard her tell them what she wants for the kids.With the kids, she keeps them out late at night because she is going over to friends houses - the same "friends" that she told my son she didn't "want the boys around that influence", she is now going over there several nites a week, back late (10:00ish) the kids are 3 1/2 and almost two. She told me two weeks ago that she doesn't cook, they don't like what she fixes for them, so they get grits or something like that for dinner. She complained to me at length once that all she ever had for supper when she was a kid was pot pies, bologna sandwiches, and potted meat, and that SHE wasn't going to raise her kids the way she was raised.
She told a whopper of a lie back in November: could I keep the boys on a sunday nite, she'd pick them up Monday after work because the regular sitter had to go out of town because she had a daughter who was ill, pancreatis, gall bladder attack and in the hospital. I said sure. Thought nothing of it until she was "caught" at a local night spot that sunday nite. A few days later I called the reg sitter and asked about "the story" Nope, didn't happen, wasn't true. I asked what DIL told her about the kids not going to be at her house mon am, she said "they're not going to be there", no explanation. DIL still had to pay for that monday they weren't at sitters, other times she has griped like the dickens when she has to pay the sitter for even 1/2 days - this time I guess her desire to go out over rode her $$ issue.
When potty training oldest to poop in potty, she walked in with the baby and found oldest getting a dirty diaper changed. She said nothing then. a few weeks later she called me to task about letting him poop in a diaper because SHE wouldn't put a diaper on him, he'd eventually go! She also said that by me allowing the child (3) to poop in a diaper, I was disrespecting her. I laughed and told her I didn't know she took potty training so personal, she accused me of "blowing it out of proportion".
there's lots more incidents; may not be narcissism, but it sure is something.
Thanks for being here! What is your relative like? I'd like to hear about your experiences.
NanaS
poster:NanaS
thread:615027
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060225/msgs/615410.html