Posted by Daisym on March 4, 2006, at 0:17:49
In reply to Help/Support/Advice **********TRIGGER***********, posted by TherapyGirl on March 3, 2006, at 9:38:55
I find it interesting that you had "little explosions" going off. Your brain seems to have been sending up warning flares.
I think what everyone else said is true, a therapist should never try to encourage or plant csa memories or ideas. It sounds like your therapist is careful to just leave the door open for you.
I just want to add two experiences. One part of the csa for me I've always known. Always. When I told about that part, I thought that was it. But when I started to talk, more things popped out. And as I allowed myself to regress, parts of me had stories to share that I didn't even know were stored. I would just suddenly *know* something else. The timeline is still kind of fuzzy but stuff drops down when I don't expect it, or I dream things that put the pieces together. The other experience is the feeling of knowing before you have the pictures. In a therapy session I was describing how uncomfortable a particular sexual act with my husband had become. And completely innocently my therapist said, "but that didn't happen to you as a child so I wonder what is being triggered" and just like that it felt like someone poured water down my back. The hair on the back of my neck stood up and the room spun around. In this very tiny voice I said, "no that never happened to me." And we both knew, in that moment, that it had.
Speaking for myself, I think I am doing therapy differently than I would if I didn't remember specific things. Because I want to tell all the details of what happened, I want my therapist to be a witness to it, even as ugly and painful as it is. I don't think this is a necessary part for everyone, but for whatever reason, for me it is.
I hope you find peace in all of this soon. It seems that you are working very hard on yourself.
poster:Daisym
thread:615372
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060225/msgs/615713.html