Posted by wishingstar on May 4, 2006, at 22:11:54
In reply to Re: im doing this to myself, posted by Emily Elizabeth on May 3, 2006, at 23:27:08
You're right.. I am feeling completely conflicted. Part of me just wants to blame my T for everything, but I know that its partially my fault too. I dont know if I could show this to her.. the "realness" and emotion in what I wrote is past the level I'm able to show to her at this point. Talking with any sort of emotion is incredibly difficult for me. But I am going to try my best to tell her everything, even if it does come out a little more intellectual-sounding. That's another issue.. I wonder if my lack of emotionality makes her think thnigs are fine, even though I tell her it's there and I cant express it. Blah.
Medication is a funny topic. So funny I want to cry! I've been trying and trying to get on anti-depressants for the last month or so. I took them in the past, but its been awhile. Unfortunately, I dont have insurance so I cant see a regular pdoc. There is only 1 sliding scale clinic in town, and I worked directly with the psychiatrist for awhile (I was a case manager), so he's out. I dont meet the financial requirements to go to the regular free clinic in town. I'm a graduate student and my university provides med management through the counseling center, but they wont let me use it because I dont have a therapist at their center.. but, they wont let me have a therapist there because its time-limited therapy. Argh! I've contacted everyone I can think of, and even made a small scene at the health center, but no luck. I wish wish wish I knew a way to make that work.
I've been seeing my T this time around for about 9 months.. but only started coming every week in Feb, when things got harder. However, I saw her for about 6 months a year or so ago too. I guess you're right about it helping some.. I have definitely learned to be more honest and tell her what I need from others (but not from her yet). I guess my therapy feels like its been mostly a maintenance thing in the last few months, when I really want it to feel like progress. I guess I really should be happy with what I have.
poster:wishingstar
thread:639769
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/640133.html