Posted by Racer on July 11, 2006, at 23:09:55
Maybe it was just me, but I walked out of there feeling totally sucky today. Mostly, that I suck for not being able to do this right, but also just generally sucky overall.
We were talking about me feeling jealous, envious, and kinda resentful of some of the other people in the therapy group I'm in. And that I get overwhelmed with all the things I want and will never have, and am reminded of those things when i see others who have them. And I feel like a very bad person when I feel that way.
My therapist was trying to tell me that it was OK, except taht I "go to a really bad place" over it. She also said that she felt as though if there was a worst place to go on something like that, that's where I went with it. (Which also made me go into my "I am rotten" place...)
I felt as though I wasn't expressing what I meant right, but I don't know how to express it. It's a feeling of absolute futility, that I'll never have enough to satisfy me -- either because I'm so childishly insatiable, or just because I don't have the foundation to build it all upon -- and am so heartily sick of trying so very hard all the time.
Oh, yeah, and I feel very fat today.
poster:Racer
thread:666234
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060703/msgs/666234.html