Posted by Dinah on August 11, 2006, at 17:19:58
In reply to Re: The strangest things bother me, posted by Jost on August 11, 2006, at 12:25:02
We talked about this today. It was my favorite sort of session. Lighthearted and teasing, but we still got a lot of work done. I told him about the spot on his shoe, and he laughed a lot.
I talked about how his trendiness and fastidious grooming intimidate me, however much I might also find it amusing. And about how in the early days of our therapy, I was aware that he thought less of me for my style of dress, and not wearing makeup. I forget the loadedness of the term repelled. I meant it in the literal sense of feeling like he was pushed away by it, drew back. He didn't deny it, said he didn't recall anything so long ago, but said our relationship is now so much deeper than surface appearance, and he wasn't at all affected by how I look. I didn't argue the point much, but even if I believe him now and I do, it's hard to remove the overlay of my memories.
He swore I look nothing like my mother, although I once showed him a picture of her around my age, and he thought it was me. He never remembers these things.
I think it's a lot easier to slide into poor grooming when I'm not feeling better, because my perception is that it doesn't matter much anyway. People have been telling me I look like my mother since my early thirties. Although how they thought that was an acceptable comment to make, I'm not sure. Since no matter what I do, I look like my mother, why bother to do much at all? Even at my best, I just put in enough time for the basics in being well scrubbed.
Quite a face to share with the world, even if my hair is clean. :(
poster:Dinah
thread:674888
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/675686.html