Posted by Daisym on August 14, 2006, at 23:57:39
In a workshop I was in this weekend, the speaker demonstrated an eerie phenomenon. She had us close our eyes and listen to a word. Then we had to open our eyes and look at the person saying the word. In an instant, the word changed. But in reality, what we were hearing was the same thing. If you closed your eyes again, you could hear it correctly. But if you watched the person speaking, you heard something completely different. And the visual was of a person saying yet another word. So the lips and the sounds didn't match -- so our brains converted all of the input into something halfway -- trying to make sense of things.
I was very struck by this. My joke during class was, "does this mean when my husband says, 'I didn't say that,' he is telling the truth?" -- but it made me think about therapy a lot. Lately I've been "hearing" things that my therapist tells me he isn't saying. Mostly I hear an emphasis placed in a way that makes me feel bad -- but I'm pretty sure it is my emphasis. For example, I had a melt down and called and left a stupid message about whether it would be OK to call him over the weekend. (He has only told me a 1000 times that he wants me to call if I'm having a hard time, right?) He called back and said, "Nothing has changed. If you are really having a hard time, call me." What I heard was "if you REALLY need me...I guess you can call me. *sigh*" I listened to his message at least 4 times and kept hearing this. And yet, I'm certain, intellectually, the emphasis on "REALLY" was all mine. But I felt so rejected.
I asked him today. He was really surprised and said, "I don't think I said it like that, and I'm sure I don't mind you calling. So what has changed to make you question that?" That's the million dollar question, isn't it? So what am I seeing that makes me hear things that aren't there? And how do I stop doing that!!?
poster:Daisym
thread:676556
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/676556.html