Posted by SatinDoll on November 3, 2006, at 10:13:27
In reply to Re: I am losing myself » SatinDoll, posted by Dinah on November 3, 2006, at 9:07:42
Hey thanks Dinah for being here for me, I feel kinda guilty I haven't been offering much support to anyone lately.
I have been just trying to do the minimum this week with school and the kids. I seem to be needing to sleep a lot, and I am, it seems to help because physically I am exhausted and seem to ache all over. So far it isn't effecting my regular sleep, so it must be what my body needs. I am not even exercising either since Tues, which I usually do everyday,it had only been like this for a couple of days.
I told my T about 4 months ago that I wanted to end therapy at the end of the year. He has been gently bringing it up almost every session, wanting to plan it out, but I just clam up. I really thought I would be ready.
But now I need him especially right now, and I need to tell him Monday, that I don't want to quit therapy, I am feeling worse than ever. I am scared he will say I will need to see someone else, but he did tell that termination is up to me as to when as long as he is being very helpful to me. Which he is still, so I hope he won't abandon me now. But I am scared of the possibility, and I don't want to start all over with anyone else. But I guess if I have to I will. I just wonder if he wants to get rid of me, like he is sick of me for what has been almost 2 years. Isn't that hard to believe? I remember when I first came to Babble, I was only going to go for 6 months.
This Monday will be so hard, I need him, but I am afraid of losing him too. I am afraid of telling my emotions so I am thinking a lot about a poem I want to write a poem called Stoned to Death. But his wifey is a poet too, teaches creative writing at my school, so now I feel a little intimadated to show him my poemsnow. But it seems to help me writing them, like journaling is to some people. Sorry to be rambling on, I haven't been able to post on babble for a very long time, almost like I was blocked, but wasn't .
I just hope my T knows, well I am sure after my last phone messages, that I need a gentle T , not one that seemed to be defending my DH (he said he certainltly didn't mean for it to come across that way, but it is how I took it. ) I am so down, I don't need any more stones thrown at me now. Thanks if anyone read this whole chapter. I think I need to get ready for class, at least I might actually laugh, because this professior who is actually a working T, is so funny. Plus I need to change out of my PJ's in 3 days, ick! I can't stand myself either.
poster:SatinDoll
thread:699974
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061026/msgs/700012.html