Posted by laima on December 9, 2006, at 12:56:06
In reply to Re: Has anyone read Social Intelligence? » laima, posted by Dinah on December 9, 2006, at 9:08:47
Hi Dinah,I'm still barely halfway through the book, so I don't know if he mentions it in the book or not, but I was actually thinking of the tv interview with him that I saw. I seem to remember that he said in the interview that people can learn to improve their abilities with all this stuff. The details of exactly what he said escape me right now (it's been a few months), but definately, I remember I was struck that his tone and demeaner were very positive. Though questioned by the interviewer, he definately did not display any sort of "you're stuck with how you are" attitude during that session. I should also say, it was a different author who very, very explicitly said that people can improve their ability to read microexpressions. That was in Scientific American Mind recently. I apologize if I wasn't clear due to my excitement over the topic.
The "mirroring" part I'm not sure about, I think he is saying in the book that this happens pretty automatically? I'm eager to keep reading, to see what else he says. Regardless, I've tried to put a positive spin on it for myself, and suspect that as we feel better and more confident, perhaps then this improves automatically? I hunch this, because I can sense I have a tendency to get this "wrong" when I am particularly anxious or upset, but that it seems to work out much, much better when I'm feeling pretty good and content. I think it's because when I'm feeling better I tend to interact more naturally: not so inclined to try to falsely project that everything is fine when it's not, or to want to draw out the interaction longer than it should be because I feel desperate for company or reassurance, and so on.
I have to say, I'm not so sure my parents were always so great at this, either. Mixed. Their specialty has been to put up an overly-enthused facade of "Everything's going really great! And now we must be on our way." I've wondered if others can read through that sort of falseness, (even though my parents are experts at it), and if it makes interactions strained or superficial. Most of their friends do the exact same thing, though. But as for other people, do they hear the words and semi-faked expression that say "everything's great", but sense a mismatch with subtler cues (a 'la mirroring, microexpression)- and become uncomfortable as a result? I wonder if that is an example of how a mirroring mismatch, a synchronization problem, can get started.
Now of course, how do we bridge? Perhaps the "contagion" can work to our advantage if we get ourselves into a room full of people who are doing well and we get overwhelmed by them? (I'm not sure, that's my own speculation.)
When you say "the part about emotion contagion I recognized as something I do a lot", do you mean you catch emotions easily, or other people catch yours? I ask, I'm very curious to hear more of what you think, because I actually have a huge fear that when I'm not feeling well, people will catch my emotions and not like me anymore as a result- so I end up isolating myself at the very times I could probably stand to be more sociable.
Do you know, I was wondering if anyone credible is teaching or coaching this stuff, too!
Laima
poster:laima
thread:710907
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061123/msgs/711887.html