Posted by muffled on December 14, 2006, at 17:13:18
I think.
I dunno how to think.
Or how to actually expose myself.
I’ll tell a body just bout anything bout myself really.
WTF do I care?
Who the f*ck am I anyhow?
But there’s that line that cannot be crossed for some reason.
And on the side of that line that I can’t get to:
Are true emotions,
Is actual nurture,
Comfort,
A feeling of being a little bit safe,
There’s reality.
On my side I don’t got these things.
Cuz it goes against my life training of no weakness to be shown.
Of always be on guard.
Of hide the gross at all costs.
This is lifelong ingrained into my psyches.
I have multiple egos to help me in these endeavours.
I cannot get past this.
I shrivelling.
Soon I’ll be like the dead baby husks.(see prose)
Mebbe God’ll decide to save me.
Mebbe He won’t.
I just hope He lets my kids know Him.
Cuz there’s some comfort in knowing Him.
Why, I not sure. There just is.
Even if I don’t understand why the hell He does/doesn’t do stuff.
Why He has protected me, yet He didn’t, did He? And water wants to come to my eyes.
But its not allowed.
It’s a helluva way to live I inclined to think sometimes.
Which is why I like to get stoned sometimes.
Somebody gave me some pharmaceutical THC.
Gonna be fun I reckon, when I got some free time.
One of these times I gonna die.
I just hope I don’t hurt noone else.
I am trying to remember Mommy Muffled.
That Mommy Muffled has to be safe.
But I get kinda tired of keeping up with being Mommy Muffled.
Sometimes I got to blow off some build up of sh*t in my head.
Blast away thots that intrude.
But mebbe its not lifegiving?
But mebbe it is?
I dunno.
I dunno anything.
poster:muffled
thread:713701
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061210/msgs/713701.html