Posted by littleone on December 17, 2006, at 14:32:36
In reply to Re: my T is so nice » wishingstar, posted by sunnydays on December 15, 2006, at 18:35:27
> I am trying to comfort myself. I just miss him so so much. Any ideas for how to comfort a younger part of myself would be much appreciated.
>
> sunnydaysHi sunnydays,
These are the things I do to comfort myself. It's been a very long process learning to do that for myself. And I think I'm still learning, but getting a lot better at it. It really has helped me a lot with emotion regulation.
I know that I would have turned my nose up at a lot of these things, but it's only through actually physically doing them that I've been able to tell yes that works or no it doesn't.
- My T gave me his hanky which I carry around absolutely everywhere. It's good because you can carry it in your pocket or hold it up to your face and you don't look too strange.
- I have my comfort book. Some times I find it comforting to leaf through it. Other times it's comforting to actually put pictures/stickers/leaves/feathers/quotes/writing in it. Putting different types of things in it helps different parts. And looking through it helps to settle me a lot when I have a meltdown.
- On my T's holidays I actually go in to his office and just sit in the waiting room for an hour or two. It's kind of sad that he's not there, but I feel more connected to him and his waiting room is (usually) a safe place for me.
- I bought a couple of picture books for a young part and one of them also came with the reading on a tape (by the wonderful Hugh Laurie). I had to be very careful with picking books out. I couldn't have any that referred to mums or dads or where the characters have close friends. They all upset me too much. I ended up getting "Giraffes Can't Dance" which has been very safe for me.
- I also have some story books for another part. I really love the little fur series. I forget the title of the first book, but the second one is called "A Fox Called Sorrow".
- I have a special real life safe place that I go to if I need soothing but can't get it from other ways. I bought a little stuffed bird from my real life safe place a while ago and my stuffed bird goes to all my sessions with me. I had a really rough time at my last session and cuddling it comforted me so much.
- I have colouring books, but don't tend to use them much.
- I have learnt that it is vitally important to express what I am feeling. So I journal a lot. I found this really hard in the past when I was really upset. I avoided digging in to my upset. But it really does help me more if I do. Although I still have to work hard at this, I really do push myself to do it. Because I know it is much better for me.
- I bought some paints after doing a little bit of art therapy. So I try to express feelings through painting (although I still find this hard). I also have other mediums like pastels and pencils and things.
- I bought some little plastic animals to use in a form of play therapy by myself. But for personal reasons I find them very triggering. I have done sandplay therapy once and it was very very powerful for me. So I can see that this will be a very important way to express myself.
- I have dissociative problems, so I've worked very very hard at not locking things up inside and to stay present and not cut off. This sort of thing is vital in order to comfort yourself.
- I think a big thing with comforting yourself is accepting your upset. So if you're upset about wanting your T to be your dad or missing him or whatever, you need to really listen to yourself, let yourself express that and accept that that is how you feel. By saying it is bad, you are not accepting it.
We know that he can never be more than a T to you and it would be bad if he ever tried to do that. But it's not bad to wish for that. It's not bad to have those feelings. It's just very sad to wish for something that can never be. I am struggling with this a lot myself.
I have found that it really does help to express these feelings. Even if you're expressing the same thing over and over. You can still do it in different ways. I have started to try writing it out in poetry which helps a different part than say the one that paints or the one that draws.
You will get through this sunnydays. Keep working at it.
poster:littleone
thread:713762
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061210/msgs/714588.html