Posted by Daisym on January 23, 2007, at 20:18:53
In reply to Don't know what to call this., posted by littleone on January 23, 2007, at 14:34:30
There are elements of attachment that sometimes don't go together. One part of you can be securely attached to your therapist and another part (your 10 year old) is avoidant or at the very least, ambivalently attached. The danger you feel, the nothingness, is the void that happens when your core self is shielded from the person who keeps you steady and together -- right now this person is your therapist. It feel just terrible, I know. I've described it to my therapist as mentally running frantically around the room trying to connect with him on any level. Being so alone is horrible, awful and scary. Especially when you are alone with him sitting right there.
I agree with muffy that you have to figure out what the 10-yr-old wants, even if she just wants to be angry. If you can let her into your session, the connection with your therapist might come back. Because as much as it might feel like she doesn't like your therapist, or trust him, she is likely just really terrified of him and yets desperately wants to feel his comfort and safety too. She is just caught in all her feelings of being afraid to let him close to her. And she might be protecting some other part of you.
How to reconnect? First work on soothing that 10 year old part without wishing her away. If she likes to play games, play hangman, play speed, or jacks or whatever. Let her color, which takes less energy than drawing. Maybe just lay still and imagine a conversation with her.
Sometimes it takes awhile, so I try to distract myself from feeling so lost. And having a voice mail or picture or object that connects you to your therapist really works too. Mostly, for me, when I can finally cry with my therapist, I soften up and reconnect. So sometimes I have to do a lot of thinking and writing before I get there to see what is in the way of those tears.
He isn't really gone, littleone. He is just waiting for you to come back to him. He'll wait as long as you need him to. This I'm sure of.
poster:Daisym
thread:725609
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/725736.html