Posted by muffled on February 11, 2007, at 14:32:51
In reply to Maybe I'm not so good at therapy *assorted Trig*, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 9, 2007, at 20:38:30
> So, for a couple weeks now, my T has been trying to work in a line here and there about whether something... [relates to/affects/involves/] "our goals in therapy".
ROFL. 'trying to work it in' eh, you a slippery sam?
>
> I always managed to cut her off somehow. On Thursday, she tried to get it in, at the last minute. I had my hat and gloves on and everything, but she hadn't even stood up and was still very much in T-mode. even though it was 3 minutes til the hour ended.Dontcha just hate that, ready to go, but T is NOT!
>
> "Our goals in therapy are two-fold. One is to help you feel more present in your life, so that you can feel more at ease with yourself and with your future. The other is to help support you while you write your dissertation, so that you can be at long last reunited with your husband".Well, kinda nebulous that first one? But then I a little dense.
>
> Yikes. Now I have a goal. Therapy seemed less threatening somehow when it was just a series of nebulous conversations where she would remind me of stuff that I've reported before and help me make connections between past events and present behavioral (mal) adaptions.Goals is why we goto T. We wanto accomplish SOMEthing....I feel it takes TOOOOO long though.
> Oh well
yeah, thats what I say alot.
> The 2nd reason why I might not be so good at therapy is because I totally shied away from an indepth discussion of my dream. I had e-mailed it to her in gruesome detail, and yet, I barely felt confident to mention it. The only part I was able to talk about was how my mom was present at my first pelvic exam and how traumatic the whole thing was. And then we talked more about how my mom handled other episodes in which her daughter was emotionally vulnerable. (hint- there was some basic lacking of compassion, IMO). Then we talked about my dad and how his wacko ideas about his genius children got me into special education and out of class, and how I was never socialized and always got in trouble with my teachers for never doing any assignments. (hmm no wonder why the diss is so hard!).Yeah, my ma, we'd come home from school (this is reported to me by sis, I sorta? remeber?), anyhow, we'd come home and wanto debrief after a hard day, and we'd be spilling our guts to our ma, and she'd just walk away...............
Yea, being genius IS a problem. There's more recognition of it in some school districts. We got one in our family, so far with ALOT of support he is OK, but does struggle ALOT.
For pelvic exam Ll , can you dissociate for that? VERY useful. And it is VERY fast too. Just the feeling the ovaries part I find hard, but I think its possible to skip that part and have ultrasound instead if its too triggering. My Dr. is very fast, and she drapes me, so there's nothing to see.
My ma never came to pelvic exam either. I initiated it myself cuz I had some probs. Mebbe 16 or so? I got stuff all fixed. Had to have anesthetic for a day surgery thing, got SO drunk night B4, was supposed to not eat or drink past 10 or so, I was till drinking at 2 am. Was still drunk when went under anesthetic, lol, but I survived.
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> The part that I *couldn't* talk about at ALL was the role that my T played in my dream. I'm gonna try to hard to bring that up. I guess it's important to talk about these things. It's kind of on my mind (obviously, since it's spilling out into my dreams, in a most obvious and literal manner).yeah, kinda intimate isn't it :-(
>
> My dream consisted of my T being present at an ObGyn exam, but she didn't examine me, we just had our usual chat. At the end, though, I felt myself collapse on the floor, because I remembered how traumatic my ObGyn experiences were, and I felt like If my T HAD BEEN THERE, I would have been allright. and then I was huddled collapsed on the floor, and I felt something nice and silky- maybe a robe or a cover, and she hugged me deeply, and it felt protective and nurturing.thats SUCH a cool dream, but pretty attachish all right.
> There. I've told the whole WWW. I've even written it to her. Why can't I SAY it to her. T- you were protecting me with your embrace in my dream. Thank you for being there.Cuz its intimate, cuz you exposing youself to her hurting you...leaving youself emotionally wide open...
>
> She did give me a referral to an Ob-Gyn, who is supposed to be very kind and caring. She was going to refer me to Oprah's Ob-Gyn, but said that she was awfully busy these days (no joke).thats good you got good OBgyn.
> deep breath. Llurpsie needs to get her first checkup in 8 years. I don't want a lecture on how negligent I've been. My shame is too great already.
Yeah, I hadn't got a check until long after my surgery(mebbe 7 yrs) and I had TWO diff 'probs'. Gaaaack. I coulda not been able to have my sweet babies if I'd left it much longer :-(
> Why can't I say the hard stuff? Only write it?
Good question. I can't seem to say ANYthing.
Take care Ll, give yourdelf a break OK?
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:731503
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/731836.html