Posted by gazo on April 4, 2007, at 12:22:27
i wrote a letter to my T and once again i couldn't bring myself to drop it off. This time i even made it into his office tower. i re-read it and lost my nerve. i didn't give any details from my past in it or anything. It was just about how bad i had been feeling this past week.
what freaked me out when i read it was i suddenly thought maybe he'd get worried about how i said it and he'd try to have me hospitalized. i worried maybe he'd think i was too big of a problem for him to deal with and he'd not want to see me. i worried i'd look like an a$$ for sneaking in with a letter each week.
i think he is a great guy and i like him a lot... but i don't know him well enough to know what his rxn would be to stuff. He seemed genuinely sad at some of the things i told him last time.. and that felt good to me.. like maybe it really wasn't just me overreacting to stuff.
and as much as i adore my former T, i am trying even harder to give this new guy more access to who i am in here.
so what is with me? why can't i drop off a simple letter? i mean, the guy is a T.. it's not like i am the first to do it, or he has never seen bad stuff with people before. What am i afraid of?
poster:gazo
thread:746881
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070324/msgs/746881.html