Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 29, 2007, at 7:52:59
In reply to Re: My DH called me fat and I couldn't do any better » slugdoo, posted by OzLand on July 28, 2007, at 23:29:37
Doo,
That sounds like a LOT of stress, even for the most resilient of folks with abundant support.Number one goal is to take care of yourself. Once you do that things will start to fall into place.
I remember that you were getting some satisfaction or at least distraction from reading scholarly books. Maybe it's time to read a more basic self-help book on specific strategies to make it through these times. Or you can just use my Llurpsie list below
1) develop a script for dealing with people who cannot understand the physical exhaustion and mental horror of depression.
-I have found that people are much more sympathetic when I talk bout my physical symptoms (I haven't been sleeping at well at night, but I'm incredibly fatigued during the day/ I used to have a healthy appetite, but now my appetite is ____ and it makes me feel rotten that I can't make better choices. I'm seeing a doctor regularly to help me manage the symptoms of my illness (no need to specify *which* kind of dr. just to alert them that you're actually in treatment
2) begin every morning with a list. get yourself a little spiral bound notebook and make a list. Make it reasonable. Write down goals. Things like "take a shower. brush teeth. get kids ready for summer camp. do a load of laundry. make a phone call to MIL or whoever." Start off small. then cross off the list. It will help with your self confidence. I even put babble on the list. Write 3 posts. one about myself and 1 in support of others and 1 for fun.
3) do something nice for yourself. Go water your flowers and admire their scents, their abundance. Watch your fishies and froggies flop around in their pond. take a soothing bath with epsom salts. lavender oil. your favorite shampoo. put on lipstick if that makes you feel more "put together". These self-soothing activities give you more armor to face the harsh realities of the world.
4) reframe. Feeling bad that kids say something about mom not being as much fun as usual. Well, that means that you're doing a good job most of the time, becuase they have come to expect and enjoy and rely on your presence. You are a good mom. You've raised your children to be strong enough to make it through rough spots without completely falling apart
5) husband. he will never understand, but you can give him specific things to do. I know that you are not intimate with him, but sometimes a hug from a friend helps a lot. If he is still your friend at some level, it's okay to swallow your pride and say "I need a hug". Standing-up hug helps husbands understand that nothing else is implied.
6) I gave you lots of suggestions. pick ONE of them to do this week, and don't feel guilty that you cannot change everything at once
7) medication? you've been feeling this way for many many weeks now. It might be time to enlist more help and support. It has helped me tremendously. Think about it- 4 days ago T, husband and pdoc asked me to think about going to the hospital. So far today I have more energy than I have had in a month or so. Good energy, not frantic agitated energy.
Take care of yourself Doo, and know that in their own special way, slugs are important too.
-Ll
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:772624
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070726/msgs/772682.html