Posted by Honore on August 16, 2007, at 14:27:22
In reply to I opened up but he pushed me away :(, posted by wittgenstein on August 15, 2007, at 19:56:58
That sounds really painful, Wittgenstein. Kind of like he was saying that it was some sort of predictable, meaningless effluvia- that he perhaps a bit paternalistically (and kindly), but somehow condescendingly understood.
He must have a rather old fashioned view of transference and all that stuff. More contemporary views take patients feeling much more seriously-- about that sort of thing. They don't label it a kind of mechanical and purely imaginary reaction to the Analyst-- but rather as a personal reaction to them and to the situation, as well as to the historical meanings of such situations-- and they take their own countertranference feelings into account as part of a real as well as internal echo of the past. That is, you can react to and see them as like your parents, or other historical figures, but that will only be the context of the real feelings you have for them, as a real person-- so just as in life the reality of the present is intermingled in one's mind with the overhanging ways and beliefs of the past.
I find that approach so much more humane and complete. And I'm sorry that your T, who I think was probably made somewhat uncomfortable by your feelings-- and did try to minimize them and fit them into a square hole to make himself feel less vulnerable-- That wasn't very helpful or deep of him-- but I guess sometimes you have to try to have empathy for the fears and limitations of Ts. Makes me wonder if he has his office in his home in order to protect himself from the intense emotions that are generated in the room-- ie he and the patient can't ever forget that he's married with family, so to speak. (But maybe that's my personal take on it, and I'm wrong--since I don't know him at all-- I don't mean to impose my interpretation if it doesn't fit.)
I do hope he can loosen up and hear your feelings in a more real and respectful way. Maybe he was just taken aback and didn't handle it well. But I can see how much it would disappoint and hurt you--- not because you he wouldn't hug you, but because he didn't understand where the feelings came from and what they meant. It's great that you're having warm and loving feelings toward him-- but I hope he knows how to handle them so that they become a source of growth and learning for you-- not embarrassment and then distancing.
Honore
poster:Honore
thread:776504
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070807/msgs/776644.html