Posted by DAisym on August 16, 2007, at 19:30:42
I said today that I feel like a dog with a bone. :(
I keep having a nightmare that is also a memory. I've had it off and on all summer. It is scary and humiliating and it freaks me out completely. I wake up and never go back to sleep when it happens.
I finally told my therapist all about it yesterday. I've told him the memory part before but I hadn't told him all the elements of the dream. We've talked before about re-scripting dreams - yesterday he asked, "Can you tell him to get off?" Ah - nope. It frightens me and I get small and the words won't come. He said it was fine, he could see I was afraid. He said not to worry if I couldn't say it, he can. And he did.
And then after the session my "homework" was to write the dream/memory out and try to put in elements of what I'd wanted to say, or to respond to the frightened little girl in some way. So I wrote it all out and then formatted it into two columns. On the left is what happened. On the right are my responses. When I read it over today, I noticed I start out strong, with lots of suggestions or things to say. I'm trying to help her escape. But once it actually starts and by the end I'm sad and scared too and completely aligned with the little girl again. My therapist said we'll work on that. He talked about power and what a hold my dad still has on me. He said it occurred to him last night that the reason I keep having this dream is because of what happened when my dad was here at the beginning of the summer. (fleeting thought - you thought about this last night?!)
Anyway - I really do feel like a dog with a bone. I can't just let go of this dream or memory, I'm reprocessing it over and over. There is other stuff going on too, so maybe that is contributing. But I need help - how do you work things out when they are stuck like this? What helps? And, when I suggested stuffing the little parts back under the bed, I was reminded that this never works and I end up feeling worse. (but denial is such a handy coping mechanism!)
poster:DAisym
thread:776688
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070807/msgs/776688.html