Posted by meeple on August 23, 2007, at 6:37:31
In reply to Re: **triggers** book on psychodynamic psychology » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by DAisym on August 22, 2007, at 20:56:01
I think one needs to pick ones psychoanalytic theory very carefully indeed. I used to read compulsively and in many ways I still do. Have this drive to understand the answer to this question that has plagued me all my life: 'what is wrong with me?' There is a lot out there. A lot of material. A lot of words. A lot of words that make me feel bad about myself: Manipulative, coercive, attention seeking, demanding etc etc etc. But if it is the truth then I want to know even if it hurts. Sometimes I worry that my reading (and hurting) is a form of repetition compulsion but then sometimes I worry that if I don't take it properly on board that would be a form of denial. Damned if I do and damned if I don't and so what is to be done?
To pick ones psychoanalytic theory very carefully.
To realise that my question is based on a false assumption.
I discovered "Self Psychology" last year. Read a couple of books by Kohut (the founder) and now I'm okay with considering myself narcissistic. I have a narcissist condition and thats okay. Its a developmental thing. Understandable, really, given my life experiences.
Kohut thinks that humans have basic needs (including mirroring and idealising and twinning) and they persist throughout the lifespan. Freud thought that needing others for emotional connectivity was pathological somehow and cognitive behaviour therapists in a rationalist tradition seem to take individualism and self-sufficiency as the ideal, too. Kohut seems to get the basic insight that human beings are social creatures, however, and thus he is a lot less judgemental of those who need more than the world has offered them sofar. Reading hurts at times, yeah, but it is also kind of liberating because I realise I'm not a freak it is just an unfortunate set of life circumstances has (understandably) resulted in my feeling like one.
Suicide... What is it about?
For me... Suicide is about wanting the bad feelings to stop. I get to the point where I'd do about anything to make the feeling stop. I'd even kill myself to make the feeling stop. What feeling? Different people find that different terms resonate for them. Isolation. Abandonment. Fragmentation. Shame. Breaking up. Annihilation. Loss of identity. Loss of self. It is that feeling that prompts psychotic breaks. The distorted figured dripping black with malevolent tinges. The scream masks. Fear. No, not fear TERROR. Anything to stop the feeling ANYTHING.
Attention seeking? If a little attention is going to stop the feeling then DAMN WELL GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT NOW. Have you seen people in hospital when they f*ck up their morphene dose and they are in intense agony? The sweetest most gentle people screaming their faces off for a little attention. Understandable given the pain. Why can't analysts be charitable????? Freud gave himself a very hard time indeed...
poster:meeple
thread:777863
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070822/msgs/777975.html