Posted by muffled on August 25, 2007, at 0:41:38
In reply to Re: progress » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by muffled on August 24, 2007, at 9:06:32
I am trying to figger out why I screwed up.
Punish?
Trying to return from space, where I presently reside?
I think thems the two.
Kicking my *ss so much.
Trying to remember what T always told me.
She say there's ups and downs.
And if you screw up, its OK.
You just keep going, and you move forward again.
Thats a good thing to think of.
But,
I still feel like a piece of crap.
Loser.
Nut head.
Sicko.
My stomach hurts.
Mebbe I got a bug.
Dunno.
Still tired,
a nd going further out to space.
My endeavor punished perhaps, but didn't bring me back.
Now I goto hide it :-(
Wonder where Littleone is?
She was good a knowing how to come back.
Or something.
I am robot.
Someones crying inside of me.
Dunno why?
Weird.
Thats all I can say.
I am firmly entrenched in my sphere.
I dunno why I writing this even.
Cept mebbe I feel a little less alone.
Mebbe here I can be real.
IRL I goto pretend its all right.
Its tiring.
My kids know.
I think I f*cking up.
Not sure.
So hard to tell.
Wished I had a big house, and babblers could get together, and we could all just be who we are at any given point in time.
And it would be OK.
We could walk up to a friend and say 'I hurt',' touch me,but don't touch me, cuz it'll send me further away', and they would understand. And not think I crazy, or bad, or dumb, or something...
My higher power used to help. But i lost Him...
Now I got nothing.
Hollow empty space.
So much for good old muffled.
She turned out to be a world class idiot eh?
Eternal dissapointment should be my new name.
And tomorrows a new day.
Wake up, make myself get up,
Firmly work on affixing my mask, and spend the rest of the day readjusting it, so noone notices that its just a mask.
Who am I fooling?
Sorry I such a negative drag.
But I thot I'd try laying it out here, and see if it helps or not. Cuz I getting desprate.
Seroquel, sleepyniess, munchies, weight gain.....here I come.
Mebbe.
For now, a bunch a xanax to knock me out.
I'm not very supportive am I?
Sorry.
Sorry I so dissapointing and negative and not helpful.
Best wishes to all you guys.
Hope things go OK for everybody.
I'll be OK.
I always am.
I hope.
M
poster:muffled
thread:777796
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070822/msgs/778487.html