Posted by muffled on September 1, 2007, at 11:24:58
In reply to Re: I all over the map » muffled, posted by JoniS on September 1, 2007, at 10:58:39
> You are not insane. I think everyone has some amount of the traits you describe "in" them. Life is all about struggling to overcome the sinful nature in us. The struggle NEVER goes away.
*ya, my T says the process of growth is lifelong
>
> With the whole "chicken" event, I don't know, but could it possibly be that you were testing you T so you could decide if you should trust her? I haven't ever seen a side of you here where you kick into "survivor mode" and get "serious" or angry or threatening here on Babble. And wouldn't that have come out here by now? I've seen you describe yourself in very negative ways, but I wonder how much reality is there...*ROFL, I just had a thot, mebbe T was testing ME!!! LOL! Proly not though, I think she just didn't know.
I DO test T, alot. She has been patient w/me, cuz the more scred I get, the more I 'test' her.
But this was not a test, it was just a response 'in the moment' to words she was saying.
I agree that I am not all bad, T showed me this, but I cannot deny that I got bad in me. I cannot deny my history in the past of stupid things I have done. I HAVE to own them. It WAS me. I was a punk first class. So I am trying to make up for it now. But its still in me, that jungle beast. Its saved me lotsa times, so its not all bad either, but its not good either. For all that I think its a bad thing, I wouldn't want to give it up, cuz having it makes me feel safer, cuz it IS a scarey part. It even scares me.> Gentle, caring, cautious, considerate, conflicted, concerned for others - these seem to be more accurate 'words' to describe Muffled.
**Awww thx Joni thats good to hear, my T says nice stuff too. I have this THING bout being honest, cuz so much of my life has been a lie.
So guess I not all good or all bad, guess like my T says, I am a work in progress...
Thanks for the kind words and your support Joni.
Hope stuffs going Ok for you.
M
poster:muffled
thread:780125
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070822/msgs/780184.html