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Re: I'm sorry » Dinah

Posted by gardenergirl on September 30, 2007, at 0:13:56

In reply to I'm sorry, posted by Dinah on September 28, 2007, at 22:42:38

> and thank you. I really appreciate all your thoughts.
>
> My blood sugar's been a bit off since my binge, and I had a mild ear infection. Plus the constant stimulation of the puppy and the usual work stress made worse by the fact that it's been so hard for me to work when I'm sick.

Sounds like a lot going on. And if the puppy's not sleeping through the night enough, that sleep deprivation adds to the cost.
>
> But I think I'm beginning to realize that my experiences with the puppy are also bringing up a lot of feelings from my adolescence. Not so nice feelings. Feelings I'm ashamed of. My therapist says you don't have to feel ashamed of feelings, and I know I say that to others. But it's hard to apply to myself.

I know that one. I wish we could listen to ourselves and hear it the way we say it to others. Maybe it just needs the right amount of repetition, experiences, circumstances, and some other mysterious something to come together at the right time. But try to remember that shame comes originally from outside values, and feelings are internal experiences. Without the meaning attached from what we've internalized from our culture, there'd be no shame. So it's an arbitrary thing to some extent. Okay, enough "psychologizing" (the word my b-i-l likes to use that both offends me and makes me giggle at him).

(((((Dinah))))
>
> I told my therapist today that I ought to quit seeing him for at least a while, because I just can't seem to remember who he is to me. And he said that even if I couldn't remember who he is to me, that he could still *be* who he is to me until I remember. And that I will remember. I always remember. I'm trying to think that through. It somehow felt warm.

That's a great and caring response. I'm glad it felt warm, and I have confidence you'll find your way back again.

Take care of yourself, please, Dinah. You're important to me.

gg

 

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