Posted by Wittgenstein on September 30, 2007, at 19:20:34
In reply to Maybe I need a female T, I am sooo frusterated!, posted by happyflower on September 30, 2007, at 17:45:26
I feel for you (((HF))).
I haven't posted on babble for ages - I've been dealing with a lot of stuff concerning some of the issues you have mentioned in this thread - how to think of my mother for what she did. How to move on and get on with life without suppressing/dissociating but rather integrating and healing.
I would find it very hard to accept 'she's only human' comment. I think Muffled gave a good response to this, but when I read your posts, the example of Hitler also came to mind. To talk of the most atrocious of human behaviours as being 'only human' makes little sense to me. An essentially good person who 'slips up' and does the occasional stupid thing is 'only human' but a person who brutalises others again an again (an essentially bad person) - yes, their behaviour is human behaviour, as they are human beings, but it sits at the extreme of what is human and most can only reconcile it as being inhuman. To think of doing such an act oneself makes one sick.
It isn't 'only human' for a mother to abuse her children. It goes against the principles of motherhood and what most mothers hold dear to their hearts - it goes against typical human behaviour. It is a human tragedy - for both the abused and the abuser - that's how I would see it. What I don't like about the 'only human' perspective is that it suggests the person is immune from culpability - it is to say "anyone would have done this in this situation - and thus it can be excused as 'only being human'. The whole point of the phrase is to distinguish between cases where humans are only human and cases where people suspend their rights and status as human beings and act inhumanly (maybe an interesting example is that of 'crimes of passion' versus the calculated crimes of cold-blooded killers). If we extend 'only human' to all reaches of human behaviour the phrase ceases to have any meaning at all.
I can understand why you feel disillusioned with your T - and that's without even mentioning the matter of his awkwardness with your opening up about your previous T. That said, I have followed what you have written since beginning therapy with him and he sounds like a good T. Have you tried to discuss how you feel about his 'only human' comments and about his resistance to the topic of your former T? Have you explained how describing your mother as being only human makes you feel and what it implies (in your opinion)? For his failings, he seems to have some very tuned skills (for example, his ability to engage EMDR with you and allow you to really feel things in his presence).
Please, before canceling tomorrow and moving on, speak to him about your concerns - give him the chance to understand and work with you - if it doesn't help, then you know you have done your best and then decide what to do next - but at least there is a good chance he will see where you are coming from and this could bring you both closer and enable you to enter the topics that until now have encountered resistance.
I'm in chat, if you want to chat.
Take care,
Witti
poster:Wittgenstein
thread:786055
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070929/msgs/786130.html