Posted by TherapyGirl on October 31, 2007, at 17:58:22
I saw T today for an extra session. I see her again tomorrow night.
It seems pointless, though, you know? I feel like I have a terminal illness. I was in remission for a while, but now it's back. I just don't know if I want to go through the "chemo" again. At what point do I get to say, "Enough is enough?" Because if I had cancer I would have that choice. It doesn't seem fair that I don't have it for this.
We did talk about our non-hospitilization plan again. I called last night and left her a message reminding her of it (it's been a couple of years since we needed it) and telling her I needed to talk to her about that first today so I would know whether or not to be honest about what I'm feeling. She did the standard thing -- I know you don't want to go to the hospital and I'll keep you out as long as I can, BUT. I just told her the hospital had to be off the table -- they don't help me and the meds make it worse. I told her that I would go to one of my friend's houses (she has a list) if she was worried but that I would not go back to the hospital. She reluctantly agreed.
In some ways I think it is most difficult to have therapy under these conditions. It makes it an almost adversarial relationship. I want to die and her job is to not let me.
So where does that leave us?
poster:TherapyGirl
thread:792604
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071022/msgs/792604.html