Posted by Daisym on November 1, 2007, at 22:36:23
In reply to *Triggers* about suicide?, posted by cactus on November 1, 2007, at 19:17:48
I was very shocked when suicidal thoughts and feelings showed up - I always thought I could handle anything. I've wrestled with them for a number of years now. What I think I know about it, for me, is two fold. 1) These thoughts are "old" - I wanted the abuse to stop happening so I would pray that God would take me in my sleep. I was probably too young to be suicidal but I wanted to die. Different yet the same. 2) Suicide represents control for me as my life spins out of control. I can decide the most basic thing - am I facing another day or not?
My therapist calls it my escape hatch - the fantasy that I have a way out. He only gets nervous when I go into that cold, planning mode. The thoughts are around often, I don't dismiss them exactly, but I do keep them pushed down.
Do you have anything, besides medication, that works to distract you from the thoughts? Or can you challenge them?
I'm sorry you are suffering this way. I've come to believe that suicide is seductive and a hard thing to break away from obsessing about.
poster:Daisym
thread:792805
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071022/msgs/792863.html