Posted by dancinbillie on December 6, 2007, at 16:31:00
Hi all, I was in a Partial Hospital Program twice this year at a large, well-respected local hospital. While there, one of the RNs and I became extremely close - I'm an adoptee and have some serious attachment issues, which she was well aware of - she hugged me multiple times, self-disclosed a lot, told me she loved me multiple times, told me we had a special connection several times, she lent me personal items such as dvds and videotapes - we had lots of one-on-ones which were not really part of the group-oriented program. The second time I was there, her supervisor and other team members stepped in and "separated" us. Shortly thereafter, I spoke out in group therapy that she was leading and said I was having intrusive, obsessive thoughts about someone but didn't say who. I got really really upset while talking about it, and rather than her comforting me after the group ended, as she usually would have, she took off out of the room like her butt was on fire. I ended up in a meeting with her and the medical director of the program in which I confessed it was her I'd been talking about - she had assumed that, and also immediately assumed that I was sexually attracted to her, which "creeped her out." I denied the sexual attraction although it was somewhat true. The RN took off the following two days for "self-protection" from me, which absolutely blew my mind when I found out - I'm not a dangerous person, never have been, never will be, except perhaps to myself! After that meeting, she basically ignored me, until the day before her vacation at Labor Day week - the medical director called me in to see how I was feeling about the whole thing, and told me that the RN was still "creeped out" because she thought I was sitting around fantasizing about her and masturbating. I had not done that, and I told the medical director so, and asked her to pass it on to the RN - I had a chance to speak to the RN for a couple of minutes later that day and told her I didn't want to leave on a crappy note with her - she told me the medical director had talked to her about my not masturbating with her in mind, and she further said, "We're okay, we're fine, don't worry - you know, there's almost a funny aspect to all this!" She returned from vacation the following Wednesday or Thursday, and I requested a meeting because I was continuing to have trouble with the whole situation. She, I, the medical director and the program director got together in one of the offices, and I began by saying that I was sorry I'd upset her, and she interrupted me by saying, "I don't want to rehash this." Angered by this, I sarcastically replied, "Well, I guess we're done here then." She looked at the medical director, then got up and walked out of the meeting. The last day I was in the program, Friday 9/14, she came up to me and said that despite everything that had gone down, she still held me in very high esteem - I was still angry and told her, "Well, the only thing I can think to say to you right now is f*ck you very much." She looked shocked and I left. I left the program on Friday 9/14/07 so I could start ECT the following Monday, with plans discussed with my insurance company and the medical director to return to the partial program after a few rounds of ECT. Two weeks and six ECTs later, I was told by the medical director of the program, who is resigning as a result of this situation and I guess some other similar situations, that I would not be allowed to return because the RN was "uncomfortable" with me coming back to the program, but that I would be told I couldn't come back because my being there would present "a safety issue" for the RN and because I had complained that I wasn't getting as much out of the program after the RN and I had been separated (which was true). The medical director did not agree with the decision to ban me from the program, but had been outvoted, so to speak. I sent a letter to the RN's home the weekend after I left the program, and she had the hospital security manager return it to my husband, unopened, via certified mail, with a note not to try to contact her again or she would prosecute to the fullest extent of the law. My husband had called her on her cell phone the week after I left the program because he wanted to work with her to resolve the situation, but she told him never to call her again. I've written to the hospital a few times, going up the ladder so to speak, and have received one response stating that given all the information available, they stand by their decision to decline me readmittance to the program, even though my psychiatrist (the medical director of the program) and my therapist believe that some further time spent with the RN would be helpful in my efforts to "de-merge." Anybody have any thoughts? This is driving me crazy. Thanks for your time and consideration.
poster:dancinbillie
thread:799172
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/799172.html