Posted by muffled on December 12, 2007, at 18:30:04
In reply to How my Ikids are doing..)))MUFFLED, posted by star008 on December 12, 2007, at 17:32:23
> Ugggh.. I want to answer u and tell you all kinds of good things and how great it is but it would all be a lie. There are some things that are alot better but I have so much work to do and don't know how to do it. I would like to fasttrack things too..The only way I know to do that is to attack the issue and keep at it..But life calls us away and pain makes us find other things to talk about.
*so how far do you live away from me???? Maybe we could economize and do T together 2 for 1 !!!!! LOL!
Thanks for letting me know where your at. Its not so different than me. Startlingly so.
>
> The thing that has changed for me is the extreme hate I had for my Ikids.. I was disgusted.. They ashamed me with with their neediness I blamed them for letting things happen..I started to think of them as real kids, in the present and realized that I was hating these poor kids who did nothing but try to make their way through the world. How could I blame them for things adults did to them?*you slightly ahead of me here...I truly don't hate this one kid anymore, we used to want her to die. But now its more like we just wish she would be gone is all. We don't hate her, but we think she is repulsive. This has reminded me, that was a thing T said last session, she was trying to say it was not kids fault. I am trying to think what the reply to that was...? Dunno. Its hard to imagine that its not her fault somehow, for various reasons...though truly...I dunno. Oh, its hard to change such a widely held notion that we have held to for so long...so, I guess we are still struggling with this one.
>I also started to realize that they are in every way real kids stuck in time and I couldn't treat them any differently than I would treat any child.
*this is a concept that another babbler helped me understand (her name is Alex, hopefully she will be back again someday) she helped me early on, and it was a HUGE HUGE big step ahead for me to understand that they ARE kids. Its a hard concept for me to grasp, and I still struggle with it at times. But its extreemly important to keep in mind when dealing with them. It never ceases to amaze me really...
>There is a part of me that still wants to pick on all the others but she isn't as bad as she was. I am not so far along but at least the hate is gone most of the time. I can't say when things started to change.. It wasn't fast but it happened. I learned to appreciate parts of them.. Like the nasty teenager, who only seems nasty..
*i finally figger stuff out too. That the 'bad' parts were NOT all bad, and the good parts were not all good. They just like regular people with their good AND bad points.
>
> NO, my inner kids aren't getting their needs, (gag) met..They aren't as afraid as they were though.. I still have trouble with that part. I am a good mom and raised three sons who are doing great but I can't give my Ikids the care I gave my sons. Something still turns me off..The gag part is real for me. I don't know how to let them play and take care of them the way they need to be taken care of.*Ya, I am NOT a great Mom, though people do comment on the fact that I obvo love my kids so much. I am trying. Sometimes its so hard, cuz I feel bad, cuz i not doing what I should.
I take great heart in the fact that you have very similiar difficulties as me, and yet you managed to raise good kids.
Isn't it STRANGE, here we are Moms, yet we cannot parent our inside kids??? Its very strange. It may be something that bears some thinking about?
> I truly believe though that you have to deal with them before you can make much progress in other areas.. Like it or not, they demand to be heard and they will sabotage anything I try to do.*they do make it hard :-(
I try to shut them out, but they eat away at me.>I am starting to try to work with them in therapy now. I have no idea what I am doing and don't have control over them so it is slow.. I dont' want to find a new T but mine doesn't have much experience with dissociateive disorders even though he has been a T for 37 years. He said he has only come across 2 or 3 in the entire time.
*ya, my T has no experience either. But manoman, she is one to just wade in!!!! She does know another T that has experience. I dunno if she has consulted others beyond the other 2 T's in her practice, proly not though, cuz I think I have to sign papers for her to do so.
I need to ask her this.
But I think my T has the right ideas though. She is very practical. Also I like that she doesn't have preconceived notions bout 'stuff'. She and I are learning together. Sometimes I wished she knew more, cuz I get scared, but when I am calm, I much prefer we work thru it ourselves. I would not start with a new T. The trust would take too long.
How are you approaching 'dealing' with 'them' in therapy?
My T is just trying to see if we can let her communicate with them specifically. There is one with alot of anger who is sabotaging me, and we want to deal with her. T is also trying to access the very young one that is hurt, to try and understand where she is comming from, but I don't think she speaks. I *think* there is an in between one that may be able to say more, but i don't know. I admit, I think my T is feeling frustrated with me....
Its just so hard to allow myself to let a part come forth ON PURPOSE, when all my life I have been so careful to hide them. I am embarrassed and ashamed that I am like this. I feel like a mutant freak. i also am not experienced at this either, so its not like I can just let a specific one 'come forth' or whatever the hell it is that happens. So, for me, so far, we have had only one go at it, and I am somewhat unsure of how it went. Its not a part i would have chosen to be there, and I am surprized by the whole thing, but at least I was able to be back and let a part be there fully, which is a great achievement I think.> So.. that is about where I am at.. Not so far along..
* well, we can keep each other company along this journey and perhaps help each other out w/suggestions, and hopefully help others who read what we write.
Thx,
M
poster:muffled
thread:800390
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/800408.html