Posted by Dinah on December 13, 2007, at 8:08:28
In reply to Stopping Bye, posted by DAisym on December 12, 2007, at 19:38:09
I understand what you're saying, and I hate that feeling too. I find that it's usually temporary. It seems odd to me sometimes that I'd rather feel bad than feel nothing.
"I am less afraid, moment-to-moment, that my therapist will decide he no longer wants to work with me but more afraid that the Universe, in its awfulness, will take him, somehow from me. It does happen. I've seen it happen lately to several people."
Me too. And I'm always telling my therapist that even though I now trust him not to want to hurt me, the fact is that he will hurt me someday, badly. Or that caring about him will hurt me. I have nightmares about it, since I've come off klonopin and dream again.
He says more or less the same thing your therapist says. Is it true? Maybe. When I look back on my life and my losses, I remember the loving and caring more than I remember the pain. It takes a while, but eventually that's where it ends up. In the end, I don't think I'd give up a day or even five minutes of the love I felt to avoid the pain. For me, loving and caring is what turns existing into living.
At least long term. Short term I'd happily trade my current panic into blissful lack of feeling.
poster:Dinah
thread:800437
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/800508.html