Posted by rskontos on December 25, 2007, at 20:28:46
In reply to Re: and you know whats worse? ** abuse trigger ** » star008, posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 15:00:17
Muffled, the book I am reading says there is a % of the abused that never remember and it is because when you dissociate during it in that hazy state it is remembered hazy and becomes very hard to be remembered. So it is not uncommon for those that are abused and it can be verified for the abused person who dissociated during the trauma not to ever remember. It is just up to the individual.
So you really cant expect remembering to help you verify to yourself you aren't making it up. The book also states that to the author you don't make something up only to argue with yourself whether it is true or not if you have really made it up. (Not the authors words me praphasing). Did that make sense. In other words. People who make stuff up are usually convinced it happened they don't go back and recant. I mean we dont come out with this just to say no it is true and then no it isn't and then yes it is all for attention. Because this is not the kind anyone wants. I always thought this is what might get you locked up forever. Who wants that kind of attention. And what would anyone gain from making it up.
I mean yes the book I read talks about those people with delusions that makes this up. But we all have been talking to you for a long time and no one thinks you have delusions.
YOu are just as scared now to face what may have happened as then. Me too but I would like to get past it. And I think at some point I must face. And the body remembers even if we can't that is why we feel scared, anxious, and all those over feelings of terror. Now the sex thing, I am just as unsure of it as you. I don't know. I have my suspicions. I even ask my new doc about it and said it probably doesnt matter at my age. WFT was I thinking. I know I have no thoughts about it. Does that mean something. I dont know. As he might say I have worked hard not to have thoughts.
Don't feel like a drama queen idiot. I still maintain something made you feel the way you do. None of us just feel the way we do for nothing. I believe that. I don't know if we will ever have all the pieces. I think we can move past it once we know that is all we know and we have someone, T or doc, that can help us move past and it is time and we must for our own sakes. I mean right. I guess I just hope to have some sense of being more not so fragmented and to feel so broken. And somebody has to help cause I know I can't do it alone.
Muffled, I think Star has some good ideas. I know you were taking care of yourself for a long time. which makes it time you let someone help. Are you not tired of doing it alone. And those big strong arms might make it easier too. A thought to ponder maybe. I too have never let anyone else take care of me. But that isn't too say we can't LET, some share the task. Just think about it. Talk to t an d see if sharing with your h is ok. Maybe borrowing some of his independence so you can move on will work. It might be ok to borrow so you can let go alittle more. Just more thoughts.
Hope you had a good Christmas.
take care, later gator
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:802166
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071215/msgs/802594.html