Posted by sunnydays on December 27, 2007, at 23:24:27
In reply to he forgot, posted by sunnydays on December 27, 2007, at 12:44:20
I guess I forgot to put in my first post that I did call and leave him a voicemail and say I thought we were supposed to talk, but maybe I was wrong or maybe you forgot. He called back when I was napping so I didn't hear my phone and said, "I'm so sorry, sunnydays. I'm so so sorry. No, you weren't wrong, I was supposed to call." And told me to call and tell him times this evening I was available, so I did, and he called me back.
We talked for a half hour or so. A lot about family stuff and he thinks it is the little girl part of me that is having a lot of trouble standing up for myself. And that I'm trying to put my mom into the category of all good or all bad and that's why I feel so confused, and that she's both. Which I do think, I think she is both, but at the same time I think it would be easier if she were one or the other. He said that's how a little kid would think - that their parents are the best people in the whole wide world, that I don't like Jimmy because he ate the last brownie so he's bad, etc. And I see that. I just don't know how to change it. And he said that I don't have to make any major breakthroughs, I just have to get through this time. But I really don't want him to be disappointed. And logically I know he wouldn't be. But the little girl is afraid he'll get disappointed and abandon me, I think.
He said that it's a learned behavior, this not standing up for myself. And that I wasn't doing anything wrong. And said it might happen again that he forgets, and it's not because he doesn't want to call me or it's a bother or anything, that he's really glad we're doing it. It's just hard when he's home to remember that he has to be somewhere else. So I could call him the day before and leave a message to remind him next week if I wanted to and he wouldn't mind. But that it was his responsibility.
The little girl part of me really wanted a whole lot more reassurance that I was doing ok and that he still liked me, I think. I didn't realize it at the time, but now I'm so so sad and so worried.
I miss him so much.
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:802912
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071215/msgs/802974.html