Posted by DAisym on December 31, 2007, at 15:38:01
In reply to Re: To the world...this is crazy muffled*trigger?* » antigua3, posted by muffled on December 31, 2007, at 11:24:52
I can't tell you how many times I've said, "it is impossible to know what I now know." And I ask myself all the time, "what do I do, now that I know?" But slowly I'm figuring out that there is nothing to do. Your mind will slowly absorb the truth, the more you speak it, the more it is knowable. You don't have to tell the world, just one other person is enough. But telling means knowing.
I believe the exhaustion and pain come from the energy it takes to not know. To keep the secret, especially from ourselves. To "sit with it" is very hard - mostly impossible for me - but gradually, I am learning to just be. Which isn't to say that I don't sink deeply into those depths of despair or think at some point that I just can't live with knowing. But there are now moments that I see myself as someone who can know and still function. I can know and still be me. Everything has been changed by knowing and yet not.
I'm not helping - but I just wanted to say that the confusion and splitting you are doing is normal and understandable. Try to remind yourself that you don't have to "do" anything - just get through your day, stick to your routine and the knowing will be easier over time.
poster:DAisym
thread:803346
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071215/msgs/803457.html