Posted by Llurpsienoodle on January 8, 2008, at 0:22:00
In reply to 'Thank you', posted by Dinah on January 7, 2008, at 17:48:34
> "But I have trouble really letting that sink in."
In fact so much trouble that I avoided responding to your post for a while.
>
> By the way, avoiding meltdowns in a foreign country without optimal support from your husband really is doing great. That doesn't mean it didn't feel awful, or that you weren't upset, or weren't scared.
>yeah. I felt all of those things. :(
> Could that be what feels wrong about accepting the praise? That it's saying you did great because you behaved well, but doesn't acknowledge the pain?
Maybe that's it. (dinah hits the nail on the head). T seems to focus a lot on my functioning. When I function well, I am well. When I tough my way through some depressive rxn or flashback episode he tells me I did a good job.
OTOH, when I tell him my pain, he also validates that, but I think what he's working with me on (I never *really* know!) is that everyone has pain and what matters is how well we cope with it.
I don't think it would go over well with someone who wants to be babied. I want that too, I will not deny. That's one of the reasons why I'm with a male T. Maybe I cannot expect maternal behavior with him. Maybe I never learned how fathers deal with daughters, so he's teaching me. It's a hard lesson to learn at (ugh, just had my bday) 29
-Ll
poster:Llurpsienoodle
thread:802892
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080101/msgs/804991.html