Posted by estrellita on March 2, 2008, at 20:38:32
In reply to Re: Crush on psychologist in training » estrellita, posted by sunnydays on March 2, 2008, at 12:08:12
Thank you for your post, too, sunnydays! I'm curious as to what kind of therapy you're primarily doing with your therapist (see my response to annierose for more about my thoughts on that)?
I like what your therapist said, and I understand what you mean - whatever feelings I happen to have about a therapist always feel wrong/bad to me. I have this idea that I shouldn't care about them at all. (I realize you felt it was coming to therapy, not the relationship itself, that felt that way.) It does feel good to realize that it's okay for therapists to be special people to us, even if not in the way we'd choose. Also, how did you feel when your therapist told you he realizes that hour with him is "probably the most important single hour for you in your week"? If a therapist said that to me, I'd react strongly and tell them that of course it's not, and how arrogant of them to think so. But the vast majority of the time when I'm in therapy - no matter with who - it has been. Whether it's been working with someone I like or don't like, who's good or bad, that hour each week takes on a nature of its own and I don't really know why. I just know that as I'm heading to the appointment, and heading to wherever I'm going afterward, that it feels very different from anyplace else I am scheduled to go.
Thanks for your suggestion about how to change my perspective on the relationship. I have tried to think about it that way, but it hasn't worked. I just think I'm not in a place where I'm able to accept that those boundaries aren't going to change. I still have this hope, and it seems very real, that at some point I'll be able to start a friendship with him. And the fact that all our sessions are videotaped for him and his supervisor to review later on means I am very unlikely to start any kind of conversation with him again related to my feelings for him, or for my desire for a romantic relationship with an intelligent, handsome, funny, and considerate man. At the time we discussed the letter I wrote him, I definitely got the feeling that he was relieved that the conversation was over. And there are little things here and there that make me think that in other circumstances he'd be interested in me, too. I think he has his own reasons for not bringing up the therapeutic relationship very often.
Thanks to everyone for your responses - they're definitely helping me think this through in more detail, and that's a good thing.
*estrellita
> See, I have wishes that I could do all sorts of things with my T outside of therapy - totally with him as a parental figure though. We've talked about it a lot, and I know it can't ever happen and wouldn't be good for me. But he said something the other day that I liked and might help you, "This relationship is real, and I know this probably the most important single hour for you in your week. And sometimes we meet people in our life that are special to us and we think are really amazing, and it's almost a life-changing experience for us. Perhaps I'm one of those people for you. If so, that's something to be treasured, not looked down on as something wrong or bad (I was feeling like it was bad that I came to therapy). And in that case this will always be something you can look back on and treasure whenever you do decide to end therapy. It really is ok to have these feelings."
>
> Can you look on it as a relationship to treasure, but one that just can't go outside the boundaries? There can be more than one person in life we fall in love with, so I would encourage you to talk with him about how to look for a similar feeling with someone outside of therapy.
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> sunnydays
poster:estrellita
thread:797201
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080226/msgs/815830.html