Posted by susan47 on August 27, 2008, at 18:36:25
In reply to Yesterday, I was Talking to a friend, posted by susan47 on August 26, 2008, at 11:58:51
I don't know if my ex-T reads this or if he has someone else read it or it's never read. I don't know if this matters to anyone except myself. But I want anyone reading this to know that I would never hold anyone else responsible for the mess I have made of my own life, my own self, by my own hand. And for the fact that my ex-T may have erred in his own ways, I want and need to forgive him. But he probably doesn't want to be forgiven. I assume he has taken a back-off stance, has probably been legally advised to do that. Which is so hurtful and harmful to the whole process of a person healing from an emotional wound, it is so alien to the necessary requirements of healing, that I cannot begin to reiterate strongly enough to any therapists out there who would ever read this, "Please do not reject a borderline patient because of your erotic transference which you cannot accept, it is not about you.. it is about Love." The whole therapeutic relationship is about love, and learning the love oneself and the other, knowing the other to be but a part of you. I know that sounds wild and crazy (that's what I am inside, I think, wild and crazy, and hurting, oh God you have no idea how much pain can be inside a person who hasn't herself actually lived through a concentration camp, but you have no idea how pain is write Large, over years and generations, on persons. I quake for my children) .... I want love.
Please, god, annihilate me if I cannot have the one thing you promised. God promises to love. He promises to love all his children. I am a child of God no less than you.
Please, God, Love me.
poster:susan47
thread:848397
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080826/msgs/848673.html