Posted by Daisym on September 5, 2008, at 0:54:29
In reply to Re: My husband is in therapy, posted by lemonaide on September 5, 2008, at 0:08:39
Leaving was the hardest thing I've ever done. My husband went to therapy AFTER I left. But he went truly wanting to change and wanting me to come back. And I really wanted him to change but it was too late for me. Sometimes the damage is too extensive to save things. I think he sensed this because he stopped after a few weeks having figured out with this therapist that he was "perfectly fine" -- it was me who was all screwed up. *sigh* And after he quit his own therapy, he decided therapy had made me leave him.
I guess I'm saying, yes, you can be done. It makes it all very sad, not you a bitch.
This is hard to admit but I have figured out that before I left, I didn't truly want him to be better because I wanted ending our marriage to be his fault. Not that I provoked him and God knows he was a jerk. But if he had really tried to work on himself then I'd have had to try to let him make it up to me and I just couldn't.
And, even harder to admit, I didn't want him to have the caring and acceptance from a therapist that I had with mine. I was so mad and hurt that I wanted him to suffer, and suffer alone...like I had.
Unlike you, it never occurred to me that I didn't have to have sex with him. Even when I moved across the hall right before I moved out, he came in and got in bed with me. Sad, huh?
I'm not saying you shouldn't try to work things out. But acknowledging someone has changed doesn't undo what they did. It will be better for your kids if he is less angry. He will be a better person for you to call your "ex-" if he takes a look at himself. Therapy is usually an eye-opener for people.
poster:Daisym
thread:850366
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080826/msgs/850439.html