Posted by Dinah on September 11, 2008, at 13:05:57
In reply to Re: How do you 'depend' on your T? ????, posted by antigua3 on September 11, 2008, at 11:08:18
Exactly. That's what I meant. It *is* respectful and even loving to understand the limitations of another person. I said something about my husband in another thread that may have sounded critical, but in my mind it's not at all critical.
It's like what we want from our therapists and our spouses and parents, etc. It's not that we want them to trust us in every way, because we'd be bound to let them down. We want them to know who we are and to find us adequate (or more than adequate - I can't think of the word.)
When I say my therapist isn't trustworthy I mean that in some ways it would be foolish of me to trust him. He's said many times that he'll be here for me as long as I want him to be. Yet I know he's looked into leaving town. I can trust him to be a steady presence in my life, but I can also trust him to fall apart under his personal stress. I can trust that he will occasionally get angry with me, and I can also trust that he will fight to relationship with me, no matter how angry he might be. I can trust that he'll feel sleepy from time to time in session. I can trust that he will take criticism well. I can trust that he'll forget important things I tell him. I can trust that he'll always see *me*.
I don't know. Maybe that means trusting more globally and being hurt over and over and learning where it's safe to trust. And that hurts, and my tendency is to try to avoid pain.
But in the end, I end up with an acceptance of a complex relationship with a complex person who will help me and care for me and hurt me and anger me and let me down and help keep me above water when I'm floundering. I think that carries over into other relationships. Maybe even including my relationship with myself.
poster:Dinah
thread:851095
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/851520.html