Posted by LibraryGirl on December 10, 2008, at 15:26:01
In reply to Back Again....Formerly Known As ShrinkingViolet, posted by LibraryGirl on December 10, 2008, at 12:31:18
Thanks for your responses. I can't believe anyone remembers me.
My new username...well....I'm a librarian now, finally. Even going through all of that turmoil with my old T during grad school, I managed to graduate with the Masters in 2005 (exactly 3 yrs ago this month, woah). I'm working at my first library job though, finally, after having to take corporate jobs for three years while trying to get into a library. I'm a librarian in an academic university library and I love it.
Since terminating with my former T (the one I had so many ups-and-downs with - I've searched for some of my old posts here (although I have copies of them on disks somewhere - and I can't believe how far I've come from then) I've seen about three(?) different Ts. The first T was a recommendation from my old T; I saw her off and on for over a year, I guess. Her style was very different, she was rather distant, and has firm boundaries, which was fine with me. I went to sessions, expected that time to be MINE, and even though I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her I didn't feel anything for her deeper than that. She ended up retiring early this year. Since at the time I had no job or insurance, I managed to find a counselor who I saw only three times in a clinic, then another recently, in another clinic, who I've seen for maybe the past few months. She is rather "green;" she's only been seeing clients on her own for under two years, and her inexperience is apparent. Plus, my eating issues make her nervous as she has zero experience with eating disorders. So, I e-mailed my former nutritionist (we still stay in touch) and she recommended the specialist I'm seeing now.
I still write letters to my old T. I used to send her cards and letters rather a lot. Then it became too hard, sending things out and getting nothing back. Plus I had a lot of anger and hurt toward her over our last session and her abrupt termination. Over a year ago I sent her a rather long letter, pouring it all out, and ending by telling her I couldn't keep in touch with her anymore. That went on for, wow, probably a year, then this July I broke down and sent her a card and apologized for the last letter I sent. *cough*
I did finally manage to get up the couage to go visit her last Friday (long-ish story: I was on-campus for a professional reason and had visited my old nutrionist on-campus; i guess I was feeling rather bold that day) but she was in a meeting. So, I sent her a letter this week and a Christmas card.
I still miss her at times. I'm angry with her at times. I'm angry at myself at times. I hope that someday I'll get to see her again, get to ask her the things I was too afraid to find out before. But it's been over 3 years now since I saw her last and I'm OK. Some times are easier than others and they'll always be a soft-spot for her in my heart, but I didn't break apart from the pain I felt then as I was sure I would.
I remember the support and understanding I received here and I thank everyone for that. :)
Peace,
LibraryGirl
poster:LibraryGirl
thread:867864
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/867908.html